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From Clouds and Post offices to Burqa’s.
Post Office’s (believe it or not)
'NUMBER 13 to counter D.’ the goosepimply inspired excitement of that phrase robotically stated by a machine is the beauty of the Post office in North Finchley. The adrenaline rush of it all is akin to that of having your lottery number called out except this time you don't get a cash prize instead a bored, overworked, stone faced post office women. Not the most exciting activity you may think. Think again, before you judge the exact point of this activity, ask yourself: ' Have I been to the North Finchley Post Office?' The mixed diversity of people over 65, envelopes and dried spit exhausted over letter after letter makes this place magical. It leaves you with a sense of nostalgia after walking out onto North Finchley high road, a sense of accomplishment you could say.
Sneezing is the cool, urban trend of 2010 and here is why. When you’re bored at the sheer pointlessness of breathing and a sneeze comes along to brighten up your life. Almost illuminating your nostrils with the blessing of snot and 'nose wind’ as I like to call it. A sort of flatulence of the nose you could say. Sneezing is also part of the British Summer thanks to hay fever. Sometimes you’re tempted not to take Claryton or any other hay fever medicines in order to be graced by 'the sneeze.' Sitting on a London tube, if you smile, you either look like a paedophile or a crackhead according to the unwritten rules of London etiquette. So by sneezing it almost makes you look cool. Sneezing is almost urban art. The onomatopoeic sounds that emerge such as 'ACHOO' and they vary from the brass to the more elegant sneeze (elegant sneezes can be witnessed in Kensington or Richmond or by witnessing David Cameron sneezing.)
Unfortunately though, sneezing can also produce unnecessary problems. By inadvertently sneezing in someone’s face during rush hour in London you are almost coercing them into tasting your snot. It can sometimes go horribly wrong if the said persons open their mouth whilst you sneeze in their face which can create two situations - 1. Having some sort of snotty connection leading to unexpected friendship or the latter more likely outcome 2. You end up getting a torrent of abuse for your 'lack of hygiene.'
Do the £1 challenge at your local supermarket.
This isn't exactly free but it is definitely cheap. The supermarket £1 challenge is a sport with a difference. It consists of contestants getting as many items within the allotted £1 boundary. Additional rules may be added including having to eat the items you buy (which can be risky when purchasing Tesco Value Toilet Paper.) Imagine the scene, late Saturday night; you’re with friends or family in your local supermarket. Each one of you is armed with the single gold coin which could lead to victory and you have exactly 10 minutes to search for as many items as possible. There is a catch though, if any item is dropped the person will be penalised for committing a 'Robert Green' and the item will be put back. A keen eye and speed is the key to this great sport, it is also accessible for all the family. Hopefully within the next few years we can represent Britain in this sport, if not by 2012 then for the future generations to come.
Train yourself in elite martial arts, become a ninja and Go to France and were a Burqa
In deliberate defiance to 'liberty' in France, go there to engage some sort of libertarian reaction. Use your own 'choice' and 'free will' to go against the special brand of French freedom. Despite the oxymoronic nature (never mind the 'moronic' nature of French politicians) of 'imposing liberty.' Contradictory statements aside, walk around the awe inspiring Parisian streets and take out a stopwatch to count the time it takes for a French politician to rip your Burqa off. In a reactionary defence use your new ninja like ability and speed to disable the French politician. The shocked reaction of the French politician should convince him that in fact you’re not oppressed, Middle Eastern women. Rather a liberated Middle Eastern women.
They hover above us, especially in this glorious summer. We pay no immediate attention to the fluffy features floating in the sky. Often they portray magnificent designs, intricate bubbles of white splodge to rival Everest. So why not spend one day, lying down and just stare at them!
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