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Like Man-Flu, we have all overcome snow in different ways
The long winter months of modern discontent are here. My time is occupied with doing coursework and revising January examinations. The only motivating factor for these times is Charlie Brooker’s weekly articles and the US drama Glee commencing again in the New Year.
Going outside and travelling somewhere will take you the same amount of time as shooting yourself in the foot and hobbling to your destination. Buses will travel at approximately 5 miles per hour whilst 4X4 gas guzzling, environment destroyer’s drive past you with their smug faces and well maintained designer cardigans.
Going Ice-skating is quite an easy option, just head down to your local side road and off you go. Driving a Vauxhall Corsa (no offence to those who drive corsa’s) in the snow is like driving a bumper car. This is all because the government decide to blow tax payers money on tanks in Kabul rather then snow plough’s in London.
It’s a sad state of affairs in London and up and down the country. I recently went around offering a ‘drive way cleaning’ service after watching an Apprentice marathon. I rounded up the neighbours and we called ourselves: ‘Ethnic minorities to clear your snow.’ People were shocked at our minimal cost of a fiver and flatly refused. Clearly these are times of austerity (and perhaps xenophobia!)
I bumped into a Marxist and he was overjoyed at Brent Cross’s closure on Saturday due to snow saying the Christmas capitalistic charade was halted. He also pointed out that ‘Santa’ was an anagram for ‘Satan’ and that equilateral triangles are bad. Snow has inadvertently caused a massive metaphorical pile up for everyone.
Flights at Heathrow and Gatwick are cancelled and I can imagine Boris Johnson having some sort of panic attack. All due to some white snowy flakes in the sky falling innocently on earth. Snow, regarded excitably and innocently by children as a miracle, as their eyes widen and light up at the sight of a white, fluffy garden.
So rather then curse, insult or mock the snow lets join in a universal attempt overcome it. If we grit the roads as well as we put salt on our fish and chips we would have clear roads. We could perhaps pick up a shovel clean our pavements and send the invoice to Barnet Council. Or use those yellow boxes on the corner of the street we often see, but never use. Whatever you decide to do and despite it causing difficulty, snow is really a blessing.