Much ado about nothing-nothing (From Times Series)

Much ado about nothing-nothing

10:03am Monday 13th October 2008

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A renowned football writer of my acquaintance many years ago drew breath at the final whistle of a dire goal-less match and penned what should have been an immortal intro on his report to his daily paper: "Much ado about nothing-nothing".

Superb stuff. Unfortunately, the sub-editor dealing with his copy - not so renowned - did not have a Shakespearean background and achieved some sort of journalistic notoriety by changing the words to "Much ado about nil-nil".

I guess that misguided fellow, confronted with the 96-page Pricewaterhouse Copper report on the £10,000 sale by Barnet Council of the freehold of the Underhill Stadium to Barnet FC in March 2002 might have written: "Much ado about nil-nil-nil-nil."

For this fourth investigation of the freehold sale, which is costing the Barnet council taxpayer a cool £1 million, evoked the succint comment from council leader Mike Freer: "We know nothing we didn't know."

I don't need to declare an interest as a leading light in Barnet FC as it was made clear by former council leader Victor Lyon many moons ago that the football club had done nothing wrong and that the complaints investigated concerned alleged wilful misconduct of named members and officers of the council. Alleged is the key word.

It is a matter of record that mathematics was not my forte at Finchley County School - headmaster Mr Chalk once famously told my class: "You are the worst I have encountered in more than 20 years" - but, looking at the values put on the land as listed in the report, they varied from the lowest at £10,000 to the highest at £100,000.

The council taxpayers of Barnet, already coughing up payments towards the 2012 Olympics (and beyond), needed a £1 million fourth investigation into the Underhill issue like a hole in the head.

Don't forget that at the time Barnet FC held an 86-year lease on the land, which was subject to a Green Belt restriction.

Was there a result to be found that justified £1 million in the days of soaring costs? David Miller, one of the complainants, is reported as saying that the cost was worth it if "heads roll".

Although Barnet FC was not the subject of any investigation, my feeling has always been that a cloud has hung over the club (alongside the council) as internal valuation was followed by an independent valuation,then an independent panel report, then the valuation of a chartered surveyor appointed by the High Court and now the latest PWC inquiry.

Mr Miller, it seems, is a guy who can't say 'No'. Enough is enough now David. It's time to draw a line under the issue.

There has been little to laugh about with the on-field activities at Barnet FC either - Dagenham and Redbridge 2, Barnet 0 once more evoked memories of comedian Rob Wilton's famous football sketch: - "Lost 2-0 ... and we were lucky to get nil!"

I did manage to raise a laugh at Gill Collier's quiz supper at the Conference Centre at St Marys at the Cross at Edgware at the weekend.

Our five-man (and women) team were joint leaders at the half way stage, but fell away spectacularly by the final hurdle to fifth place.

Confronted by a question about Britain's highest mountain, I whispered to my team mates: "Mount Batten".

Actually, it's not strictly a joke. The answer of the name of the distinguished Earl Mountbatten was given to the same question by a squaddie when we were questioned about our general knowledge when called up to serve King and Country in the latter stages of the war. Honest.

PS Attended the superb 'Kings of Swing' concert at Cadogan Hall on Sunday - the 70th anniversary of Benny Goodman at Carnegie Hall in 1938. For bread and butter devotees like me I thoroughly recommend the offering at the nearby Oriel restaurant in Sloane Square.