8:04pm Wednesday 17th January 2007
On my three-mile journey to my first anger management class, I found it necessary to beep my horn or gesture at my fellow road users on no fewer than four separate occasions. Perhaps I needed anger management specialist David Woolfson's advice more than I realised...
There are many things in life that make me angry - people who do not say thank you', general incompetence, celebrities' who no one has ever heard of, Davina McCall, and England's thrashing in the Ashes, to name a few.
The prospect of sitting down with someone to discuss why I feel this way, and what can be done to calm me down, did not fill me with relish.
Anger Planet's consultation room is above a beauty salon called Utopia, just off Leicester Road, in East Finchley.
Trained by the British Association of Anger Management (BAAM), Mr Woolfson has been offering one-to-one sessions above Utopia since September last year. Group sessions are run from a larger centre in Swiss Cottage, but will soon take place in East Finchley or Muswell Hill. He also regularly appears on radio shows to offer advice on managing anger and conflict resolution.
Mr Woolfson was eager to point out his courses are not psychological. "Anger management is a training, not a therapy," he said. "What you learn over time is a series of techniques for managing your anger. Angry behaviour is a pattern, it is addictive."
According to Mr Woolfson, I, like everyone else, have a sack of anger waiting to pour out. Once I have owned up to this in my own mind, and asked myself why am I angry?', it should then become easier to manage my behaviour and mend my ways.
"It is important to realise that anger is a feeling, not a behaviour," he said. "I do not feel bad or ashamed for being happy or peaceful, so why should I feel that way about anger?"
One of the reasons for my bad temper is a general disgruntlement with the intricacies of life in 21st Century Britain. It crops up in many of the sessions Mr Woolfson holds.
"What we have now is cultural anger," he said. "People think if they are not a celebrity or a multi-millionaire, they are a failure. Clients come to sessions thinking there is something wrong with them. About 95 per cent of them have regular jobs, regular relationships and so on, but their anger is destroying them."
The key to solving such problems is taking responsibility for your actions and learning, quite simply, to control the angry feelings. Two kinds of anger are common. An example of the first - righteous anger - would be road rage. If someone pulls out in front of you, forcing you to brake, it is normal to want to sound your horn. But if you react by getting out of your car and attacking someone, that would be far higher on the anger level, showing the second type - regressive anger.
Mr Woolfson said: "Being able to make choices is a way of dealing with anger. When you are hijacked by your anger you are no longer making choices. Every-one has a choice.
Much of my anger, apparently, comes from unrealistic expectations of others. Mr Woolfson said: "People come here who are driving themselves insane because they have unrealistic expectations. Angry people see the world in black and white. They think things are either right or wrong, but really we are living in grey. If you live like that, hoping to be in control, you are setting yourself up to be angry."
Mr Woolfson taught me to predict future events and expect obstacles to crop up during a normal day, in turn helping me to avoid such pitfalls and make life less stressful.
"There are styles of anger. You are either an exploder, or an imploder. It is possible to be a bit of both, to implode in some conditions and then explode later.
This can depend on how powerful you feel in a situation. If your boss criticises your work, you implode, because you cannot shout at the boss, but you may explode later when you get home and the house is a mess.
"Angry behaviour is an addiction, like being an alcoholic. When the red mist descends and the adrenalin kicks in, it can be enjoyable. You must train yourself not to need that outburst. The key is that split second, feeling it when it starts. If you can accept it, it is a real achievement."
One session was not enough to change me from a budding Incredible Hulk into the Dalai Lama. Indeed, most clients need at least ten appointments with Mr Woolfson. But it was noticeable that driving back to the office after the session, I did not honk the horn even once.
u For more information about anger management and the services Mr Woolfson offers, visit www.angerplanet.co.uk or call 020 8444 9841. Prices range from £65 to £95 per hour.
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