No need to suffer in silence

11:07am Friday 22nd February 2008

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A Mill Hill charity is working hard to overcome the stigma surrounding mental health problems and offer hope to those affected by them. Rebecca Lowe talks to its founder.

It was in the summer of 1981, when Jeffrey Breslaw was sitting in his car smoking a cigarette outside the Friern Hospital, that he realised his life "had changed forever".

He had been visiting his son, admitted to the now closed hospital after going through a breakdown at university, and been told that he was suffering from schizophrenia.

"There was no diagnosis, no prognosis, no advice or medication," he says. "I didn't know what to do. I felt completely alone."

It was this experience - of helplessness, ignorance, and isolation - that prompted Mr Breslaw to set up mental health charity Mencare.

Based in St Vincent's Lane, Mill Hill, the organisation provides training and support for carers of mental health patients.

Some 150 people have taken part in Family Supportive Training (FST) since the first course in 2002, learning about communication, medication and problem solving from qualified professionals. But above all the charity aims to help people to meet others in the same situation as themselves.

"It is terribly hard for the carers as nobody has any idea what we go through," Mr Breslaw says. "Just hearing that others are going through the same things, the same difficult times, is enough."

However, the charity's founder believes many thousands of people are deterred from getting involved because of the stigma surrounding mental illness.

"One of the hardest things for carers to do is to accept that they are caring for a mentally ill person," he adds. "Once they accept that, they can get on with their lives. It took me a long time."

Nick Breslaw had been studying for his law finals at Reading University when he rang to say he was not going to take his exams. At first his parents assumed it was just a crisis of confidence. But after returning home, his condition gradually worsened. Quiet and withdrawn, the 21-year-old lost touch with his friends and spent much of the day in bed.

"We were at our wits end," says Mr Breslaw. "There were lots of arguments. We tried to get him to see a GP and psychiatrist, but he didn't turn up for appointments. It is still painful to remember after so many years."

Wendy Wodzianski, a 49-year old community nurse from Potters Bar, went through a similar experience. Already a part-time carer for her elderly mother, who suffers from vascular dementia, she found it difficult to cope when her 26-year-old son was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and sectioned under the Mental Health Act in 2006.

Despite being a qualified nurse and well-versed in mental illness, Ms Wodzianski said the free 11-week course was invaluable for helping her to "avoid losing the plot" and allaying feelings of guilt about her situation.

"When it happens to you, you think, 'Oh my God, this is a disaster'," she said. "But the only way through it is to talk to others who are going through the same thing.

"From my son's perspective, his life is over.

He has no degree, he has lost all his friends, he won't go out unless he is with me. It puts a huge pressure on me, as sometimes you want to go out by yourself."

Ms Wodzianski heard about the course via Barnet Carers Centre, in Ballards Lane, North Finchley, which works closely with Mencare and often refers people for the FST course. Mr Breslaw says the course would be "impossible to run" without the centre's input.

It would also be impossible to run without him. Ms Wodzianski calls him a "wonderful man" who is "more understanding than most because of his situation."

It is his own personal experiences that allows him to tap the defences of fellow carers, and offer practical wisdom and advice with which they can empathise.

In his course, Mr Breslaw refers to the pain felt by carers as "a bereavement without end". But he also offers hope.

"By just hearing that others are going through the same thing, we can be strong, make friends, and get on with our lives," he says. "And every year we are helping more people to do that."

Mencare is currently accepting trainees for its next course, due to begin in March. For more information, contact Jeffrey Breslaw on 0208 906 1666 or visit www.mencare.info