Indulging in a spot of sour grapes

Indeed, the words genteel, refined and mellow are more likely to spring to mind when thinking about a group of people who are generally, shall we say, in their prime, gathering for an end or two of an afternoon.

Admittedly, I did once (and may one day still) threaten to rock the world of bowls to its very core when I considered taking it up myself. But being loudmouthed and, according to some, obnoxious, I imagine I wouldn't actually last that long on the crown green.

So for the time being, I'm not going to buy myself a set of woods, therefore I can't really see the problem with the Croxley Guild Bowls Club's application to serve alcohol.

It seems, however, that residents who live near the club do.

Nobody's a bigger Nimby than me, but I think even I would fail to bat an eyelid if a bowls club - comprising of mainly over-60s - applied to have a pint in a clubhouse that was already situated at the bottom of my garden.

Of course, I would be jumping up and down like a madman when the new clubhouse was being built at the bottom of my garden in the first place, and I suspect that's the real problem here.

I can't help but feel that the residents, who understandably didn't want a building being erected at the end of their property, are indulging in a spot of sour grapes and have seen an opportunity to spoil the old boys' fun.

One miffed resident argues that there are already "about ten boozers" within a mile of Croxley Green and it doesn't need another.

Oh come on, it's hardly going to be the Rovers Return, is it?

All the bowlers want to do is socialise with opposition and other club members.

Should common sense prevail, and their application be approved, I doubt that we'll be carrying stories of them mooning locals while singing The Good Ship Venus on these pages any time soon.

I had hoped that once the current Prime Minister vacated Number 10, his replacement would be someone who wasn't inclined to railroad barmy laws through parliament.

Sadly, it seems that Gordon Brown is as hell-bent on the unnecessary tinkering with our daily lives as his mate Tony Blair is. And if Labour should lose the next election, we'll only get David Cameron to replace Brown, or as an outside bet, Sir Ming.

God, the future's bleak.

It's well documented that Tone's administration has introduced a new law for every day that it has been in power, and it seems Gord will do nothing to ebb the flow.

Last week, as he has hinted at before, Gord told us that he will take measures to remove the standby button from televisions - in a bid to cut our CO2 emissi..zzzzzzzzzzzz I won't bore myself writing about this nonsensical step to supposedly help stop the imaginary threat that is global warming, but I'll assure you one thing.

If he is successful, when I buy a new eco-friendly television I will put my current one in the corner and leave it on standby 24/7 and look at it from time to time with smug satisfaction that there's nothing that Gordon Brown or, anyone else, can do about it.

With the possible exception of the missus.

And the reason for this cost-ineffective, bloody-minded exercise?

I'm getting sick and tired of having stupid laws and regulations imposed on me when there are far more important issues the Government could be addressing crime for instance.

And for the record, I'm not talking about those master-criminals who spark up a fag in a pub, drive at 34mph or don't use low-emission lightbulbs.

Talking of Tony Blair, his appearance on Comic Relief with Catherine Tate last week was nothing short of sickening.

The tedious Tate may not have been, but I was most certainly "bovvered".

Here is a man who has the power to take no end of measures to reduce poverty and suffering, but instead faffs around on TV in what I can only deduce is a cynical ploy to gain mainstream popularity.

Let's be fair, it's a lot easier to make yourself look down-to-earth and caring by taking part in a quick sketch than it is to tackle, and make a meaningful impact on, the issues such as those that Red Nose Day highlights. Maybe the last law that Tone passes could be that former Prime Ministers who have a legacy as jaded as his aren't ever allowed to appear on television again.

Chorleywood author Conn Iggulden paid a visit to his old school, Merchant Taylors, recently to discuss his Dangerous Book for Boys.

My hat goes off to this man for flicking two fingers up to the health and safety loons that compete on a day-to-day basis for column inches with the environmental loons.

Conn's book gives young lads an insight into how to build tree-houses, catch rabbits, start a campfire and understand girls.

He's going a step too far with the last one, and trade descriptions should be called in, but the rest is all good, clean fun.

Kids need to get in scrapes to learn how to deal with the little challenges and problems they will face in later life.

Sadly, I've not read a copy of Conn's book, but I've read enough about it to know that I think it would have a better place on the National Curriculum then some of the rubbish kids are taught nowadays.