"It's going to be one of those days," sighed goalkeeper Marc Scut as the sixth goal went in. "Saturdays."

But the truth is that Mill Hill really didn't play that badly. The pre-match preparation, it must be said, was hardly ideal. Captain Pete and around half the team didn't turn up until after the match was scheduled to start. As he sat in traffic on the north circular, however, a cunning plan had formulated itself in the skipper's head. The last thing the opposition would expect, he calculated, was a sudden change in formation to three at the back.

Unfortunately, it was also the last thing the Mill Hill defenders had expected too. The equivalent of Steven Spielberg turning up at a film set moments before shooting was due to begin and handing out scripts in Japanese.

In contrast, Marlow appeared to have risen at 7am for a pasta breakfast before heading off for a quick jog around the M25.

Within minutes, the visitors' slimline defence had been breached. When the second went it, the formation reverted to a more traditional 4-4-2.

In the meantime, however, Mill Hill had pulled one back. Superb work on the right wing by veteran striker Mike Solomans ended in a sharp cross neatly finished by Apay Obang-Oway.

The half time score of 3-1 probably reflected the balance of the game. And when Marlow grabbed a fourth, Mill Hill quickly scored their second, Mark Hellicar winning the ball in midfield before racing into the D to finish the move he began with a stunning and wholly unexpected reverse stick sweep. No one was more surprised than Hellicar himself, who had wheeled away towards the corner flag, not in an impromptu celebration but to collect the ball from where he thought it would end up.

The visitors produced some tidy passing in midfield and Craig McIntyre threatened thoughout, despite being marked by a young tiger intent on mauling him every time the ball came close.

But Marlow then scored three more without reply. Seven was certainly more then they deserved. Strictly speaking it was more than they scored too, as Dan Stockhill can justly lay claim to their third, putting in the left boot to produce a fine lob that Wayne Rooney would have been proud of. Pete Laslett also applied the finishing touch to Marlow's fifth, steering the ball over the keep with aplomb.

"We must be the best scratch team in this league," he declared, delivering his match post-mortem. But it was no surprise that, having struggled so comprehensively to find their way to the opposition goal the team completely failed, despite the assistance of the lastest technology, to find their way to Marlow's clubhouse in time for the football.